S1, E1: Wolf Moon

Our tale begins with Scott (I actually did know his name I just forgot it) and his friend Stiles excitedly seeking out a mangled corpse in the woods. Why on earth are they both so excited about finding half a dead body? Neither of them seems like they could handle it, as proven by Scott moments into the episode just before he gets bit. I like a story that gets the supernatural stuff established quickly. I’m here for a show called Teen Wolf, I want to see a teenage werewolf. I’m glad that they seem to have chosen to keep the werewolves hidden in shadows and quick cuts, because I don’t really want to see a terrible CGI werewolf running around. Admittedly I do watch Once Upon a Time though, I guess I can forgive any number of terrible special effects.

So Scott goes to school the next day with a gnarly wound. Designated bully guy shows up and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen him in GIF sets? Like a lot. I hope he gets a redeeming arc, I love bullies who become awkward friends. Lydia makes a brief appearance too, establishing that Stiles has a crush on her and she doesn’t acknowledge his existence. Isn’t that always the way? Teen movies and shows have led me to believe that this means they will end up together once she sees what a beautiful shining person he is underneath his hideous, loser exterior. I am sceptical of this trope.

Scott discovers that he has advanced hearing, a staple of the super werewolf powers, through creepily eavesdropping on a new girl outside of his classroom. She walks in and it’s Allison! Hey Allison, you’re part of the group shot so I know that you’re important. Scott hands her a pen, because he overheard her outside lamenting the fact that she forgot one. Smooth dude, you would be the worst secret superhero ever.

After class Lydia walks up to Allison and declares them best friends because Allison has a nice jacket. I’ve never understood the trope of new girl comes to school and immediately has a designated best friend. Who was Lydia best friends with before? It doesn’t matter because life started at this episode. Lydia’s boyfriend is revealed to be Designated Bully whose name I can’t remember. If a main character is crushing on a popular girl she has to have an obnoxious boyfriend. Stiles also makes a hilarious comment about how, of course Allison and Lydia became friends, they’re hot, and beautiful people flock together. SHUT UP YOU’RE ALL BEAUTIFUL every single person at this school is hot, stop lying to me!

There’s a hilariously intense lacrosse game, which from what I can gather is like soccer? But with sticks? We don’t have lacrosse here in Oz. Why are they wearing so much protective gear, is it a contact sport? Why am I suddenly so invested in lacrosse? There’s also a CGI ball shot which is wonderful, and I retract my earlier statement about hiding the CGI because this stuff is gold. Scott is suddenly great at lacrosse because werewolf powers come with great reflexes and speed as well as the hearing. Speaking of which, Scott keeps eavesdropping on Allison’s conversations, which is super creepy. Scott sweetie, no, don’t invade the privacy of a girl you like, that’s not attractive. He’s also weirdly nonchalant about his super hearing, just like, hey, cool, I can hear conversations super far away and have super reflexes. He would be the worst superhero, he’d get superpowers and probably wouldn’t even notice.

Thankfully Stiles is on the ball, and jokes about lycanthropy before he even notices anything is up. And Scott doesn’t know what lycanthropy is, haha, why is this beautiful idiot our protagonist? They head off to the woods again to find Scott’s missing inhaler because it cost $80!? That is intense, do they really cost that much in America? Mine cost like $20. Derek, who also makes frequent GIF appearances and is on the cast photo, pops up to be cryptic and toss Scott his inhaler. He’s a couple of years older than our heroes, owns the land they’re on, and his family all burned to death in a fire. Hello, designated angsty dude, I look forward to you showing up from time to time and saying cryptic stuff.

Scott goes to the local animal clinic where he is hissed at by like, twenty cats. I’m not sure what connection he has to the place, I guess he might work there? Or his parents own it? It wasn’t very clearly explained in the episode. Allison shows up in the pouring rain so that they can have a moment over the dog she hit with her car. Scott uses some werewolfy powers on the dog, so I guess that cats hate werewolves and they have some control over dogs? Allison apologises for freaking out, “like a girl,” and I no longer like her. Seriously? There’s even dialogue establishing that she is ‘not like other girls’. Ugh. Scott apparently is like other girls though, so he can stay in my good books. Even though he’s still being creepy around Allison , seriously, he mentions stuff from conversations she had that he wasn’t included in. Worst superhero ever. 0 percent subtle.

There’s some more lacrosse, Scott makes it onto the team (of course) and Stiles realises that something is up with his buddy. Because he’s suddenly good at sports. Hah. Thank god for Stiles, otherwise Scott would probably blunder around, turn into a wolf, and be like, wow, huh, that was weird, I wonder if Allison will date me? Nothing much happens in the lacrosse game except that the coach uses the phrase, “…and everything else is cream cheese,” which is really weird, and I have no idea what that means, but I’m totally going to start using it all the time.

Stiles warns Scott about being a werewolf and Scott just brushes it off because he has a bit party to get to! Stop trying to figure out the weird shit that’s happening Stiles, god, Scott has a date with Allison! We are treated to a shot of shirtless Scott straight out of the shower. Thank you show, I appreciate all the fan service you give me. Scott and Allison go to the party and Derek is there, standing in the shadows, his only illumination a flickering torch. What a dramatic dork, I bet he spent ages figuring out the perfect place to stand. Lydia is getting hot and heavy with Designated Bully, but eyeing up Scott. I guess she’s really attracted to great lacrosse players? Scott freaks out because it’s the full moon, and we all know what that means. He ditches Allison, and drives off into the night, and Derek appears behind her to be ominous.

Scott turns into a werewolf, which in this show seems to be just claws, teeth, ears, eyes and…sideburns? I swear we saw a woolfy looking werewolf before, but I guess that could be the alpha wolf or something. He runs into the woods, and Stiles goes to Allison’s house to tell her mother that she may have been kidnapped by Derek. But Allison is home safe, and Derek finds Scott to explain that he was protecting her from Scott’s new, uncontrolled werewolf powers. Aww, he’s a good guy under that ruggedly, dark and troubled exterior. He just needs a hug and some dramatic lighting probably. Derek saves Scott from some hunters with crossbows. Derek tells Scott that they are brothers now, even though he isn’t currently in werewolf form at the full moon? I guess in this mythology they may be able to control when they turn.

Scott goes back to school and meets with an angry Allison, and acts super suspicious. Like, she actually offers the explanation that he got sick and had to leave but he’s all cryptic and, “you just have to trust me on this one.” She forgives him, because of course she does. All seems well as she skips off to be driven home by her dad who turns around and GASP, he’s one of the hunters! Dun dun dun…This can only mean trouble for our plucky hero! How’s Scott going to handle this turn of events? Find out next time! (or, I mean, you possibly already know…no spoilers!)

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